Reconciling my personality
(wanting to be a Meg, but feeling more like a Jo)
I’m a very independent person by nature, and when I say independent, I mean INDEPENDENT. I always considered myself a rebel growing up because I thought I was just a bad kid for not wanting to follow along with everything others pressured me to do. It actually kept me out of trouble and bad situations in school because I never really gave into peer pressure much, which I’m thankful for, but also caused much tension between my very patient parents and me. I still don’t know how they put up me all the years growing up. I was a handful as a little kid, and was more than my share of a challenge as I got older. My mom’s well-worn copy of “The Strong-Willed Child” by James Dobson is still sitting on her bookshelf to this day. I questioned everything and wanted answers and explanations constantly. Yes, I was that kid. I loved instigating and debating and stirring the pot. I always had trouble obeying authority without challenging, and didn’t like to answer to anyone or anything. Seriously, if I hadn’t had the parents I did, who knows what kind of person I would have become. Really folks, they were very long-suffering and patient with me. And as I got older and started to learn about the Biblical ideal of a woman held by the church, so I got this idea that I was supposed to be meek, quiet, mild-mannered (me??? yeah right!), and all those things that we were taught as girls growing up. So this created quite a struggle for me, because even though I wanted to be responsible and grown up with all my heart, I just couldn’t live up to that ideal either.
So here I was, caught between the world’s ideal of being a go-getter, take no prisoners, kind of person who climbs to the top and steps on everyone else to get there, and the church’s ideal of a Christian woman being this waif of a person who is only seen, not heard, and has no real identity of her own. No wonder I felt like a bad person. I felt like I identified more with the world than with God, but I still knew I wanted to follow His will for my life, and the more I read the Bible, the more I realized that the church just had it wrong. Pretty soon I found the 31st chapter of Proverbs is NOT quiet or mild at all. She is a busy, productive person who is involved in many things, and very much has her own identity. She conducts her own business affairs and watches over her family and household with diligence. She gives instructions and those in her care listen. And all this time I had thought that there was just something wrong with me, like I was defective for having the personality I had. I really thought all this time that there was just something really wrong with me. I didn’t fit in anywhere. But here, in Proverbs 31, was a woman I could finally identify with. This gave me permission to finally begin to love myself for who I am. And for the first time, shortly after my 26th birthday, I actually thanked God for making me how He made me, rather than asking Him why. I still had no clue how He planned for me to use my personality in a good and productive way, but I knew I could trust Him for that answer too.
(wanting to be a Meg, but feeling more like a Jo)
I’m a very independent person by nature, and when I say independent, I mean INDEPENDENT. I always considered myself a rebel growing up because I thought I was just a bad kid for not wanting to follow along with everything others pressured me to do. It actually kept me out of trouble and bad situations in school because I never really gave into peer pressure much, which I’m thankful for, but also caused much tension between my very patient parents and me. I still don’t know how they put up me all the years growing up. I was a handful as a little kid, and was more than my share of a challenge as I got older. My mom’s well-worn copy of “The Strong-Willed Child” by James Dobson is still sitting on her bookshelf to this day. I questioned everything and wanted answers and explanations constantly. Yes, I was that kid. I loved instigating and debating and stirring the pot. I always had trouble obeying authority without challenging, and didn’t like to answer to anyone or anything. Seriously, if I hadn’t had the parents I did, who knows what kind of person I would have become. Really folks, they were very long-suffering and patient with me. And as I got older and started to learn about the Biblical ideal of a woman held by the church, so I got this idea that I was supposed to be meek, quiet, mild-mannered (me??? yeah right!), and all those things that we were taught as girls growing up. So this created quite a struggle for me, because even though I wanted to be responsible and grown up with all my heart, I just couldn’t live up to that ideal either.
So here I was, caught between the world’s ideal of being a go-getter, take no prisoners, kind of person who climbs to the top and steps on everyone else to get there, and the church’s ideal of a Christian woman being this waif of a person who is only seen, not heard, and has no real identity of her own. No wonder I felt like a bad person. I felt like I identified more with the world than with God, but I still knew I wanted to follow His will for my life, and the more I read the Bible, the more I realized that the church just had it wrong. Pretty soon I found the 31st chapter of Proverbs is NOT quiet or mild at all. She is a busy, productive person who is involved in many things, and very much has her own identity. She conducts her own business affairs and watches over her family and household with diligence. She gives instructions and those in her care listen. And all this time I had thought that there was just something wrong with me, like I was defective for having the personality I had. I really thought all this time that there was just something really wrong with me. I didn’t fit in anywhere. But here, in Proverbs 31, was a woman I could finally identify with. This gave me permission to finally begin to love myself for who I am. And for the first time, shortly after my 26th birthday, I actually thanked God for making me how He made me, rather than asking Him why. I still had no clue how He planned for me to use my personality in a good and productive way, but I knew I could trust Him for that answer too.