I started to do some serious research. At lunch almost every day, I’d shut my office door, grab my lunch, and start working. I researched careers and personality profiles, looked for advice, explored possibilities. I knew I’d love to work at home in some way, so I could achieve my top priority of being able to be a stay-at-home mommy. This was a continual back and forth struggle, as we had gotten some progress made on our debt snowball (which we learned from Financial Peace University), and I really didn’t want to lose momentum. But as I knew it would be another good three years before we’d be debt free, I didn’t want to compromise my toddler’s first years of life just for financial security. It was a decision I don’t regret, and since we’d learned to live on almost nothing anyway, I figured we could handle it. It hasn’t been easy at all, but by taking that small step of faith, God continues to bless and provide for us. As I said before, it’s not all epiphanies and dreams come true in an instant. Sometimes it’s just faith, hard work, and patience as tiny bits of progress begin to add up.
I looked up Bible verses that I thought might help, looked up articles on several websites on finding your calling, discovering yourself, etc. I weeded through a lot of silly articles full of fluff, and found a few really good, Biblically based ones. In particular, one article I came across was titled “Recover, not Discover” by Jon Acuff. Just the title itself hit me square in the forehead. In the article, the author talks about how you have to stop thinking of finding your calling as if it's going to suddenly appear one day in a dream. It's more about asking what you're good at, what you really love, what makes you tick. It's not about asking "What do I want to do with my life?" because that has a million possible answers and gets overwhelming. If you go back into your past and look for hints of what you really love, you will start to realize that the seeds have probably been there all along. Perhaps (as I felt it was for me) God has been placing things in your life to prepare you, even though you wouldn't be ready for some time.
At my job, several ways I had tried to be involved in music had failed, and I was just missing it so much. Then I remembered a quote a friend had found: “What you find yourself doing when you’re procrastinating is what you should be doing.” And what was I doing? A musical every time I had the chance!
The idea again crossed my mind to teach voice lessons. After all, I’d done it before, and really did love and miss teaching. But how on earth would I know if it could be done in my area? How would I start my own business? Could I keep up with something like that? Would it work? I still thought about other ideas, but kept going back to that one. As I prayed to God for guidance, I took the first few tentative steps, watching and listening for signs and opening doors.
After confiding in my husband that I was considering teaching, but just wasn’t sure yet, we prayed and I kept praying on my own as well...every day, sometimes every five minutes. I was so excited, but there was really nothing tangible to be excited about yet. I just knew that I felt God was working in me, and I wanted my heart to be as soft and open as possible to what He wanted to accomplish. I almost couldn’t sleep at night with all the thoughts swirling around in my mind...but that was nothing new to me. It was just that this time, the thoughts were not stressful for probably the first time in my life.
I got my first tangible sign of an open door while I was performing in a local production. One of the moms who had her kids in the show pulled me aside one night and asked, “Hey are you the one singing the high note at the end?” I said yes, wondering about this strange question. Her next question changed everything “Do you teach voice lessons?” On the inside I was doing flips. I was just beside myself with utter amazement and wanted to laugh out loud. But I said, “Well, actually, I’ve been considering doing just that, although it’s been a while since I’ve taught.” This mother, who had no way of knowing the struggle and the growth and the soul-searching I’d been doing, had just unwittingly confirmed for me that yes, this was exactly what the Lord wanted me to be doing. I think I called Scott several times before he picked up the phone, and I practically yelled at him because I was so excited. God had laying all the pieces into place and I didn’t even know it. So I began to seriously pursue it. I kept praying to God, “I’m doing this cautiously with faith that if you want me to take another step I’ll do it, if not, please close the doors so I won’t.” After almost talking myself out of it, I actually cold called my first student, remembering that they had expressed interest previously. This contact had come from another project I’d hoped to start but that didn’t get off the ground. At the time I had been really disappointed, but by now I figured out that God knew that it would lead to this.
I set about making flyers, ordering business cards, asking Scott to mention to people he knew that I was planning to teach voice lessons, and sent out a few letters to a few associations with permission. I set a meeting with my boss at work to give my notice, again on faith that I would have the minimum number of students I needed to make our budget work. The day I was to give my notice, I was still two students short. That morning I silently prayed while I was checking emails in the office, getting really nervous. But I figured since all signs had been pointing towards this for the past few weeks, I should go on faith. That day I went to Subway, where my husband is a manager, to confide in him and get some reassurance. While at lunch I got two calls within the hour--both from parents whose children wanted to sign up for lessons. And no, I’m not kidding. This was the final confirmation I needed.
That afternoon I went for my meeting with my boss, and gave her the news. She said that she was excited for me and that she had seen it coming. She gave me reassurance that God’s plan and timing were always perfect, and we talked about plans for preparing everyone else in the time I had left there. It couldn’t have been a more supportive situation and for that I’m forever thankful.
I felt a bit like I was playing hooky from school the day everyone went back to work after Christmas. It was the neatest feeling of freedom, and for a day or so I just enjoyed spending time with my toddler and enjoying his company. It was actually a bit of a challenge in some ways, though. I had to learn how to establish a routine at home with my son, since I’d been working since he was six months old, and actually had to work a little harder than I expected to get to know him better. It was the best feeling in the world though to know that I was blessed enough to have that chance. I was able to learn more about who he is as his own person, and the ins and outs of his personality. Talk about eye-opening and wonderful! This little guy was the coolest kid! At the time God also placed several other moms in my life (besides my own mom who always has great advice) who gave me great advice on establishing a warm, loving home and being a Godly mother.
I began the semester of teaching voice lessons, and gained more students as I went along. I learned how to really run my own business and have learned what it really means when someone is where they are supposed to be. It was like I wasn’t working at all! Because everything I was doing was so enjoyable. All of the internal struggles and fears started to fade away as I focused on my work and inspiring my students, and creating the home environment for my family that I’d always wished for. What had once seemed completely impossible was now happening.
In May of this year, I teamed up with a good friend and fellow music teacher to present our students in a recital. We had a packed audience for both halves of our performance, and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. It was a true accomplishment for me, and I couldn’t have been more grateful and fulfilled. In June I got the chance to present a voice recital myself, to raise money for a local organization, and in July I got the chance to attend an opera/musical theatre workshop to do some more intensive study myself.
It hasn’t been all great experiences, and there have been many times I still have teetered on the edge of feeling the need to go back to a regular more secure job, but every time I remember all the ways God has provided for us in our life, and especially all the blessings of the last few months. I still am young and have much to learn, and I’m sure many many struggles to go through, but I finally feel like I am becoming who God wants me to be.
I looked up Bible verses that I thought might help, looked up articles on several websites on finding your calling, discovering yourself, etc. I weeded through a lot of silly articles full of fluff, and found a few really good, Biblically based ones. In particular, one article I came across was titled “Recover, not Discover” by Jon Acuff. Just the title itself hit me square in the forehead. In the article, the author talks about how you have to stop thinking of finding your calling as if it's going to suddenly appear one day in a dream. It's more about asking what you're good at, what you really love, what makes you tick. It's not about asking "What do I want to do with my life?" because that has a million possible answers and gets overwhelming. If you go back into your past and look for hints of what you really love, you will start to realize that the seeds have probably been there all along. Perhaps (as I felt it was for me) God has been placing things in your life to prepare you, even though you wouldn't be ready for some time.
At my job, several ways I had tried to be involved in music had failed, and I was just missing it so much. Then I remembered a quote a friend had found: “What you find yourself doing when you’re procrastinating is what you should be doing.” And what was I doing? A musical every time I had the chance!
The idea again crossed my mind to teach voice lessons. After all, I’d done it before, and really did love and miss teaching. But how on earth would I know if it could be done in my area? How would I start my own business? Could I keep up with something like that? Would it work? I still thought about other ideas, but kept going back to that one. As I prayed to God for guidance, I took the first few tentative steps, watching and listening for signs and opening doors.
After confiding in my husband that I was considering teaching, but just wasn’t sure yet, we prayed and I kept praying on my own as well...every day, sometimes every five minutes. I was so excited, but there was really nothing tangible to be excited about yet. I just knew that I felt God was working in me, and I wanted my heart to be as soft and open as possible to what He wanted to accomplish. I almost couldn’t sleep at night with all the thoughts swirling around in my mind...but that was nothing new to me. It was just that this time, the thoughts were not stressful for probably the first time in my life.
I got my first tangible sign of an open door while I was performing in a local production. One of the moms who had her kids in the show pulled me aside one night and asked, “Hey are you the one singing the high note at the end?” I said yes, wondering about this strange question. Her next question changed everything “Do you teach voice lessons?” On the inside I was doing flips. I was just beside myself with utter amazement and wanted to laugh out loud. But I said, “Well, actually, I’ve been considering doing just that, although it’s been a while since I’ve taught.” This mother, who had no way of knowing the struggle and the growth and the soul-searching I’d been doing, had just unwittingly confirmed for me that yes, this was exactly what the Lord wanted me to be doing. I think I called Scott several times before he picked up the phone, and I practically yelled at him because I was so excited. God had laying all the pieces into place and I didn’t even know it. So I began to seriously pursue it. I kept praying to God, “I’m doing this cautiously with faith that if you want me to take another step I’ll do it, if not, please close the doors so I won’t.” After almost talking myself out of it, I actually cold called my first student, remembering that they had expressed interest previously. This contact had come from another project I’d hoped to start but that didn’t get off the ground. At the time I had been really disappointed, but by now I figured out that God knew that it would lead to this.
I set about making flyers, ordering business cards, asking Scott to mention to people he knew that I was planning to teach voice lessons, and sent out a few letters to a few associations with permission. I set a meeting with my boss at work to give my notice, again on faith that I would have the minimum number of students I needed to make our budget work. The day I was to give my notice, I was still two students short. That morning I silently prayed while I was checking emails in the office, getting really nervous. But I figured since all signs had been pointing towards this for the past few weeks, I should go on faith. That day I went to Subway, where my husband is a manager, to confide in him and get some reassurance. While at lunch I got two calls within the hour--both from parents whose children wanted to sign up for lessons. And no, I’m not kidding. This was the final confirmation I needed.
That afternoon I went for my meeting with my boss, and gave her the news. She said that she was excited for me and that she had seen it coming. She gave me reassurance that God’s plan and timing were always perfect, and we talked about plans for preparing everyone else in the time I had left there. It couldn’t have been a more supportive situation and for that I’m forever thankful.
I felt a bit like I was playing hooky from school the day everyone went back to work after Christmas. It was the neatest feeling of freedom, and for a day or so I just enjoyed spending time with my toddler and enjoying his company. It was actually a bit of a challenge in some ways, though. I had to learn how to establish a routine at home with my son, since I’d been working since he was six months old, and actually had to work a little harder than I expected to get to know him better. It was the best feeling in the world though to know that I was blessed enough to have that chance. I was able to learn more about who he is as his own person, and the ins and outs of his personality. Talk about eye-opening and wonderful! This little guy was the coolest kid! At the time God also placed several other moms in my life (besides my own mom who always has great advice) who gave me great advice on establishing a warm, loving home and being a Godly mother.
I began the semester of teaching voice lessons, and gained more students as I went along. I learned how to really run my own business and have learned what it really means when someone is where they are supposed to be. It was like I wasn’t working at all! Because everything I was doing was so enjoyable. All of the internal struggles and fears started to fade away as I focused on my work and inspiring my students, and creating the home environment for my family that I’d always wished for. What had once seemed completely impossible was now happening.
In May of this year, I teamed up with a good friend and fellow music teacher to present our students in a recital. We had a packed audience for both halves of our performance, and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves. It was a true accomplishment for me, and I couldn’t have been more grateful and fulfilled. In June I got the chance to present a voice recital myself, to raise money for a local organization, and in July I got the chance to attend an opera/musical theatre workshop to do some more intensive study myself.
It hasn’t been all great experiences, and there have been many times I still have teetered on the edge of feeling the need to go back to a regular more secure job, but every time I remember all the ways God has provided for us in our life, and especially all the blessings of the last few months. I still am young and have much to learn, and I’m sure many many struggles to go through, but I finally feel like I am becoming who God wants me to be.